You know how when you’re contemplating purchasing a
new vehicle, or you’ve just bought that new car and every other car on the road
seems to be that car? Well, that’s akin to the situation my wife and I find
ourselves.
My 94-year-old mother lives with us (she’s currently
in rehab after taking a fall before Christmas). Roughly three years ago, we
entered a fall down/rehab cycle with her. She gets sick, doesn’t tell us she’s not
feeling well, she falls, gets transported to the ER, and enters rehab.
It’s been stressful. Caring for an elder is almost
like having a child with a couple notable exceptions. When your child doesn’t
do what you tell them you can send them to their room. Try doing that with a
recalcitrant elder. Also, most kids will learn which behaviors are acceptable
verses unacceptable. Elders (at least in our case) don’t – they’ve been doing
it (whatever “it” may be) for “this” long; why should they change?
I’ve learned over the past year that our situation
is not unique. I’ve lost count of the number of friends and acquaintances that
are in a similar boat. As we grow older, so do our parents, and there comes a
time when we have to do for them what they once did for us, as our children
will probably have to do for us (Are you listening, boys?).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining; someone
needs to do it and my mother was always there to help us when we needed her, so
I’m happy that we can reciprocate at this stage of her life. What makes me sad
is to witness her regression from good health. It doesn’t seem like the decline
was gradual in comparison to the rest of her life; more like a precipitous drop
off a cliff.
And … I suppose it’s a bit unnerving to realize
there may be a time when I might not be able to care for myself. I can’t
imagine what it must feel like to require help for life’s basic needs like
bathing and bathroom, especially when for nearly 90 years it wasn’t an issue.
But (I’m shrugging), so it goes. I guess it doesn’t
help to dwell on what-might-be.
